Table Hound

You bite,

you gnaw,

you give it a chew,

But it does not give as easy as shoes

It’s bones are firm and made of wood,

four legs, no arms, but holds our food.

You grab a leg and go to town,

“You can’t take me you silly hound!”

but you try your best to no avail,

it would wag in your face if it had a tail.

 

Selfishness

Sharing is caring is a load of crap.

I will not give you the shirt off my back.

My money is mine and you can’t have a penny.

Not for you and not for your family.

Get a job, you lazy shit.

Your circumstances don’t faze me a bit.

My pockets are full while you live simply.

Don’t ask for a dime, you won’t get any

 

 

**jk I’m nice**

Death Trap

The washer.

The dryer.

And the washer again.

My bulbs are out

and my pockets are thin.

The dishes are dirty,

and the garbage disposal clogged,

not to mention the floor,

I owe that to the dog.

The mattress is sinking

and so is the floor,

just that one spot, right by the door.

But I pay my rent and I rest my head

cause at the end of the day,

I have a bed.

 

 

 

 

We Need To Break up *improvised*

Dear ***** Council,

I am writing this letter to request I be dropped from your bullshit foundation.┬áSince joining the *****, I have been forced to attend functions with people I do not care for, with time I do not have, and charged a fine otherwise. I am regularly bombarded with emails, texts, group me’s, Facebook posts, etc. and am punished when I miss information that gets lost in the mess of your “organization”, even though I pay $800 a year for you to cancel every event that would make all your nonsense worth being a member for. The behavior of your members is embarrassing and simply not worth my time and commitment. So, though our relationship has several months left on our contract, I am dumping you. Keep the change.

Hailey

 

 

 

Original:

Dear **** Council,

I am writing this letter to request I be dropped from the ***. Since joining the ***, I have not been involved due to my competitive equine career. I am regularly filling out excuses due to competitions and find myself not attending any events. As well as not attending events, my class schedule, so that I can compete on weekends, has inhibited my from ever attending any Monday meetings for the entirety of my membership with ****. I am very involved with my competition career and I simply do not have time to be a regularly participating member in ******. Due to this un-involvement, I know it is best that I discontinue my membership with ****** so that I can put forth that money and time to my equine career.

Thank you,

Hailey McLaughlin

Parenthood

Parenthood

Brown eyes peered up at me out of black lashes.

Patiently waiting, nose quivering as he inhaled the taste of my pizza.

Cheese with mushrooms and peppers

Cheese slid off the crust and went splat on the plate.

He licked his lips, long tongue flicking.

Tail gently sweeping the floor, he gave his final plea,

The last piece was always his.